Okay, What even IS EMDR?
How EMDR Works: A Beginner’s Guide
You’ve heard about it on the news, Lady Gaga, Prince Harry, Miley Cyrus and now Lil Jon? Okay… what even is this EMDR therapy they’re all talking about? And more importantly, does it actually work for regular people who are juggling careers, family, and midlife curveballs?
Here’s the deal: EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) isn’t some celebrity fad. It’s a well-researched therapy that helps your brain process trauma, ditch stuck patterns, and stop old emotional wounds from running your life. Whether you’re stressed, burned out, or just feel like you should be happy but aren’t, EMDR can help you actually move forward—not just cope.
Let’s break it down, so it’s not as mysterious as it sounds.
The Science Behind EMDR
EMDR is based on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model. Simply put, your brain is wired to heal itself. The way we move through life is mostly learned—sometimes we pick up helpful coping skills, and sometimes the “stuck” stuff has us reacting from old patterns that aren’t really serving us anymore. Trauma or overwhelming experiences can get lodged in your nervous system, keeping memories, emotions, or beliefs “stuck” so they hijack your present. EMDR helps your brain finish the processing it didn’t get a chance to do before, so those old patterns loosen their grip and you can respond to life from a place of clarity, not reactivity.
This can show up as:
Repeated negative thoughts or beliefs (“I’m not enough,” “I’m not safe”)
Emotional reactions that feel out of proportion for the situation
Feeling triggered or on edge, even when things are “fine”
Feeling totally disconnected from yourself and others
EMDR helps your brain complete that unfinished processing so that what once felt overwhelming becomes neutral. You remember what happened—but it no longer controls how you feel, react, or view yourself.
Right, but what do we mean by processing? Here is a simple example - think of that one ridiculously embarrassing moment—we all have one. A processed memory is like, “Yeah, that happened… so awkward, but whatever,” and you can maybe even laugh about it now. An unprocessed memory? You start thinking about or telling the story and suddenly you’re blushing and wishing you could crawl under a rock—even though it happened years ago. That’s the stuff EMDR helps your brain finally put to rest.
What Actually Happens in an EMDR Session (The 8 Phases, Minus the Therapist-Speak)
EMDR therapy is structured around 8 phases, and each one has a specific purpose to help your brain process and heal. Here’s what it looks like in real life:
History & Treatment Planning – First, we get to know you, your story, and what you want to work on. This phase helps us identify the memories, beliefs, or patterns that need attention.
Preparation – We make sure you feel safe, grounded, and ready. No diving headfirst into trauma on day one. You’ll also learn tools to manage strong emotions between sessions.
Assessment – We pick a “target memory” to focus on and identify the negative belief, emotions, and physical sensations connected to it.
Desensitization (aka the weird but amazing part) – Using bilateral stimulation—eye movements, gentle tapping, or sounds—we help your brain process the stuck memory. Emotions, images, or sensations begin to shift.
Installation – Once the distressing part of the memory is processed, we strengthen new, empowering beliefs around the memory like “I am safe now” or “I am enough.”
Body Scan – Trauma lives in your body. We check for tension, discomfort, or lingering sensations and clear them if needed.
Closure – Summarizing the work and using grounding techniques as needed to ensure you leave feeling stable and safe, even if some processing will continue afterward.
Reevaluation – At the start of the next session, we review progress, check what’s changed, and decide on next steps. This keeps everything moving forward efficiently.
It might sound a little unusual, but trust me—it works. EMDR isn’t just talking about the past; it’s helping your brain finish processing it so that memories no longer hijack your present.
Final Thoughts
EMDR isn’t magic—but it’s the closest thing your brain has to hitting a reset button. Whether you’re dealing with trauma, navigating perimenopause, or just trying to stop feeling like you’re running on autopilot, EMDR can help you reclaim your clarity, confidence, and joy.
The best part? You don’t have to relive every painful memory to make progress. With the right therapist, EMDR can help you finally move forward, shed the old baggage, and step into your next chapter feeling freer and lighter. Curious to know about how to find an EMDR therapist - I have a post on that too you can check out here.
